So, it seems I've ran into a wall with my art. I've noticed recently that my art hasn't improved...at all. I had expected that I would have improved -by now!- with coloring and lighting techniques. That I would have better design. Better layout.

But I feel like I haven't...and I'm seriously bothered by this. I'm already disturbed that I'm in the IMD program, and my level of coding (ha!) is nowhere near my classmates (yes, I know who they are...I am aware they do this sort of thing for fun/living). I do two different things, and I can't do either of them half-assed.

I had worked relentlessly on my upcoming website -Doodleheart.com- for a class project, only to end up hating it and becoming completely embarrassed by it when I had to present it for class. I did get alot of constructive criticism though, so I will be making those changes before I get it going live.

In addition, I feel as if my professional networking is a joke...I feel like some of the teachers here don't like me, even though I have all of the respect of the world for them.

I have an internship coming up that I need to get done. But I don't have enough confidence in myself to apply for anything. All of the imagination that I have, and I can't imagine myself having the confidence for a coding/web internship.

Needless to say, I'm rather bummed. But I keep telling myself to not give up, to keep going or otherwise...so many years of my life will have been wasted. And so much money. I try to pick myself up, try to keep my self-criticism in a positive and reasonable manner, but sometimes it goes a bit over the line.

Afterall, I have to do better for myself, for the people that I've called 'family' for so many years but only to find out that I am meaningless baggage because I'm not blood-related. I'm not worthless, and I can achieve more than them.

Well, there were just a lot of things I had to get off my chest; well, in a way that didn't involve a nervous breakdown.

If you read this, and cared, thank you. Sorry to showcase my problems publicly...